Falling
by MystifyingFog
Summary: On an abnormally warm night in the spring of 2010, only two days after the apocalypse that never was, Dean Winchester sat atop a fifteen story building in Topeka, Kansas.


**A/N: Originally posted on AO3! One of my personal favorites, to be honest.**

**This is an AU post-season 5. Essentially, Dean didn't go to Lisa, and was instead on his own. And poor Sam hasn't been brought back (yet?).**

On an abnormally warm night in the spring of 2010, only two days after the apocalypse that never was, Dean Winchester sat atop a fifteen story building in Topeka, Kansas. His legs dangled over the edge as he looked at the buildings surrounding it. Not many were as tall as the one he was sitting on top of, but it was still a brilliant view. He looked down every once in a while, spotting the occasional car that drove by. He contemplated how long it would take to reach the ground if he were to fall.

Sometimes, he looked up, at the night sky. There were clouds scattered around, covering the moon and any stars that weren't already canceled out by the numerous lights shining from the city below. He watched the clouds float by slowly, deciding they couldn't be going more than one or two miles per hour, as the wind where he was sitting was almost nonexistent. Every once in a while, the clouds would move far enough east to reveal the moon. It wouldn't be long before they would return and layer themselves over the thin crescent.

He may have been sitting there for hours; he had lost track of time. He didn't really care how long he was there, anyways. No one had noticed him as far as he knew. He did know that he couldn't stay until daytime, as someone was bound to see him then. But, he was fairly certain that was still hours away, since there was no immediate signs of sunrise happening any time soon.

Dean had his eyes fixed on one particular cloud, inching its way from one side of the sky to the other, when he heard a familiar flap of wings next to him. He sighed, before looking to his left to see the angel in a trenchcoat sitting next to him, also dangling his legs over the edge.

"What are you doing here?" Dean questioned.

"I think the more important question at this point is: what are you doing here?" Castiel returned.

"I don't know, I thought I'd watch the clouds or something," Dean answered, looking back up at the sky.

"From up here?"

Dean looked back at the angel. "Guess so."

"You could fall."

"Yeah, so?"

"From this height, you would almost certainly die."

"Your point is?"

Castiel looked at him with questioning eyes.

Dean just glanced back at him with a pained expression.

He could spot the moment that Castiel realized what he was implying.

Castiel looked worried and sympathetic at the same time. A little afraid, even. "Oh, Dean."

Dean said nothing, and turned his gaze to the ground below him. He briefly wondered what would happen if he were to fall. Would he die instantly, or would he be alive for a few excruciating seconds? He wondered what it would feel like to have every bone in his body shatter into pieces upon impact. How it would feel to live his final moments in absolute agony. He knew that if he did fall, and didn't die immediately, that he would definitely be unconscious. He wouldn't know what that kind of pain felt like. Not that he really cared to know, anyway.

Castiel's next words brought him out of his trance. "Please tell me you're not thinking of..." He trailed off, but Dean knew what his next word would be.

Dean scoffed. "No." He saw Castiel relax a bit from the corner of his eye. "I just... I wonder what it would feel like. To fall from here, and land on the road down there."

Castiel looked down. "You would die almost instantly," he explained. "You probably wouldn't feel a thing."

Dean sighed, and didn't reply, causing a lingering silence between the two of them. Dean didn't even think; he just sat there.

Castiel broke the silence a couple of minutes later. "Why are you here, Dean?"

"I... don't know." He paused. "I guess, something deep down inside me wants to accidentally fall off this building and end it." Castiel looked back at Dean. Dean, still staring at the ground below, could easily tell that Castiel was scared he would change his mind and jump off. "I'm not going to jump. I'm just... trying to find a reason to stay alive."

"You would be missed by many," Castiel replied.

Dean scoffed again, looking up at Castiel. "Yeah? Like who?"

"Bobby," he began. "Me."

"You? You would miss me?"

Castiel nodded.

"Come on, man, I must be like an ant to you. You've been here for thousands and thousands of years. I've only been here for three decades."

"Yes, your lifespan is much shorter than mine, but that doesn't mean I don't care about you. Dean Winchester, you have one of the most beautiful souls I have ever seen. Do not think for one moment that I wouldn't miss you."

Dean looked back out over the tops of the buildings in the city. "How can you say that, after everything I've done? It was my fault that the apocalypse started. If I hadn't started torturing those souls... Sammy would still be here. He'd still be alive, and not in the cage with Lucifer."

"What can I say to make you understand? Dean, you had no idea you were breaking a seal. Almost every soul in Hell gives in eventually. You held out for thirty years—Dean, you are strong. It was not your fault. It was never your fault."

"I've done some pretty nasty things up here, too, you know."

"And I still find you amazing, in spite of it."

Dean hated to admit it, but he began to cry. He turned his gaze back to Castiel as a solitary tear fell down his cheek. Castiel reached over, and cradled the side of his face, wiping away the stray tear. Dean absentmindedly leaned into the touch, smiling weakly, sending unspoken thanks to the angel. He could see the incredible amount of love in Castiel's expression.

Castiel slowly drew his hand away from Dean's face, and instead rested it on top of the hunter's own hand that had been resting near the edge. They both looked up to the sky, watching the clouds roll by. In a spot not covered by a layer of clouds, Dean swore he saw a meteor—only for a split second, not long enough to tap the angel next to him on the shoulder and point it out, but he definitely saw something flash up there. He silently made a wish—one he was almost certain wouldn't come true, anyways. He wished for his brother to somehow come home.

After a few minutes of cloud-gazing, Castiel spoke up. "Do you mind if we leave? I don't... feel very comfortable with you sitting up here so close to the edge."

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, we can go."

"Do you have a motel room? Or anywhere else to go?" Castiel asked. Dean provided the motel name and room number, and Castiel placed a hand on his shoulder before flying to the room. Dean looked at the clock; it was 4:18 AM. He decided he should probably sleep, considering how tired he was from being awake for most of the night already. He sat down on his bed.

"Do you want me to stay?" Castiel asked.

"No, I'm fine now," Dean reassured.

Castiel nodded, and appeared as if he were about to leave, when...

"Cas, wait."

He turned around.

"If I had fallen—accidentally, of course—what would you have done?"

Castiel didn't even have to think about it. "I would have caught you."

A pause.

"No matter where you are, any time you fall, I will always be there to catch you, Dean."

And with that, Castiel flew off. Dean stared at the empty space the angel had previously occupied for several seconds, before blinking his eyes rapidly and climbing into bed.

* * *

Dean Winchester would fall from a substantial height three times in his lifetime after that night. All three times would be accidents, each one taking place during a hunt of some sort. The first time, a demon would shove him off the edge. The second, he would trip and fall off a cliff while running from a werewolf. The third, an angry angel would drop him from midair.

But each time, Castiel would be there to catch him.


End file.
